I got home one night and, as my wife served
dinner, I held her hand and said, “I want a
divorce.” She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my
words. Instead, she softly asked me why. I
avoided the question, and this made her angry.
She threw down the chopsticks and shouted,
“You are not a man!” We didn’t talk to each
other that night. She was weeping. I knew she
wanted to find out what had happened to our
marriage, but I could hardly give her a
satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to
I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce
agreement stating that she could keep the
house, the car, and a 30% share of my company.
She glanced at it and tore it to pieces. The
woman who had spent ten years of her life with
me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her
wasted time, resources and energy, but I could
not take back what I had said. She finally cried
loudly in front of me, which was what I had
expected to see in the first place, and the idea of
divorce felt more real now.
I got home very late from work the next day, and
found her writing something at the table. I
didn’t have dinner, I just went straight to bed
and fell asleep.
In the morning she presented her divorce
conditions: she didn’t want anything from me,
but requested that for the next month we both
struggle to live as normal a life as possible.
reasons were simple: our son had his exams in
a month, and she didn’t want to disrupt him
with a broken marriage.
She also asked me to recall how I had carried
her into out bridal room on our wedding day,
and requested that I now carry her out of our
bedroom to the front door every morning for the
I thought she was going
crazy, but to make our last days together
bearable, I accepted her odd request.
We were both pretty clumsy about it when I
carried her out on the first day, but our son was
joyfully clapping his hands behind us, singing,
“Daddy is holding mommy in his arms!” His
words triggered a sense of pain in me. I carried
her from the bedroom to the living room, and
then to the door.
She closed her eyes and softly
said, “Don’t tell our son about the divorce.” I
nodded and put her down outside the door.
We weren’t as clumsy on the second day. She
leaned on my chest, and I could smell the
fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t
really looked at this woman for a long time.
was not young anymore. There were fine
wrinkles on her face, and her hair was graying!
Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a
minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a
sense of intimacy returning. This was the
woman who had given ten years of her life to
me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that
our sense of intimacy was growing again.
became easier to carry her as the month slipped
by, and I suddenly realized that she was getting
One morning it hit me how she was burying so
much pain and bitterness in her heart, and
without really thinking about it, I reached out
and touched her head. Our son came in at that
moment and said, “Dad, it’s time to carry mom
out!” To him, seeing his father carry his mother
out had become an essential part of every
My wife gestured to our son to come
closer, and hugged him tightly. I turned my face
away because I was afraid I might start
changing my mind. I carried her in my arms,
and her hand naturally wrapped around my
neck. I held her body tightly, just like on our
On the last day, when I held her in my arms, I
could hardly move a step. I knew what I had to
do. I drove to Jane’s place, walked upstairs and
said, “I’m sorry, Jane, but I do not want to
divorce my wife anymore”.
It all became very clear to me. I had carried my
wife into our home on our wedding day, and I
am to hold her “until death do us apart”. I
bought a bouquet of flowers for my wife on my
way home, and when the salesgirl asked me
what to write on the card, I smiled and said, “I’ll
carry you out every morning until death do us
I got home, flowers in my hands, and a big
smile on my face. But my wife had died in her
sleep while I was away. It turns out that she’d
been fighting cancer for a few months now, but
I was too busy with Jane to even notice.
knew that she would die soon, but wanted to
save me from a negative reaction from our son
(in case we push through with the divorce). In
the eyes of our son, at least, I would still appear
to have been a loving husband. I carried her out
for the last time…
The small details of our lives, that I initially
thought were boring and unimportant, are what
really matters in a relationship; not the
mansion, the car, personal property or the
money in the bank. These things may create an
environment conducive for happiness, but they
cannot provide happiness in-and-of themselves.
So find time to be your lover’s friend, and to do
those little things for each other that build
Many people do not realize how close they are to
success when they give up.
Posted By Nkosinathi Pat Khoza